Domestic Violence – The Untold Story

 Domestic violence is a topic that we have talked about a lot and thought about even more. A serious matter that affects millions across the globe. Let’s just take a moment and think just what is so different about domestic violence, because violence happens out in the world but what makes this kind of violence so different? Ok, hope you did that and came to a conclusion (please share with me your views in the comments), but let’s talk about my views on the difference between let’s say you getting beaten up by a thug who broke into your house or getting beat up in your house by your partner. 

The difference is the trust that you place on your partner, to take care of you and you, in turn, do the same, the biggest problem with domestic violence is not being brought hit but the emotional scarring that follows because the hurt and pain came from someone that you loved and cherished. When pain comes from the outside world you seek shelter in the arms of your loved ones but where do you go when the one place of comfort for you becomes the place of torment. Violence is bad but coming from a goon or thug is not as bad as coming from someone you know and cherish because it is both physical and emotional pain. That is why in India we have such strict laws against domestic violence.

Now, let me give you a situation, you analyze it and for a moment reflect on it.

You live with your significant other in Mumbai and recently you have noticed some changes in their behavior as they come home late from work and don’t talk to you in the way they used to and are being very aggressive and rude. One day after having enough of it you talk to them about it and they in anger strike you across the face and try to do the same again and you let it happen because of the possible problems you can get in because of just trying to defend yourself. And after that unfortunate day, these incidents become more frequent and the intensity of the abuse increases as the other person gets bolder and bolder. You go to a lawyer to file for divorce but are advised against it. The police are not involved (We will discuss why later in the blog). In the end, you getting tired of everything decide to commit suicide but thinking of your children you don’t put the name of your tormentor in a note. They decide the cause of suicide as stress and your tormentor gets all your worldly possessions but you didn’t care for all that in the end did you.

Now that you have read the situation, please reflect on it. How many concluded that the victim was a woman, please be honest with yourself. Most of you didn’t even consider the man to be the victim in the case and that exactly is the problem. Nowhere in the situation, any genders are mentioned but you thought of the woman to be the victim why? Because we are taught that bad men have hurt women for ages and while some of it may be true, bad men have also hurt good men, but that is not important right now. 

Let’s get a read of the environment and the response of the civilization that we are part of.

So let us first bring in the society and the peers. According to society men are pillars of strength, so getting beat up by a woman is unacceptable. Disclosing the problem to anyone might not be a good idea because you are more likely to be laughed at than be given the support you need. Statements like “is the little boy scared of the big bad girl.” Are thrown around in baby voices, your manhood, and your whole life is put into question and maybe 5% of total people in your life are concerned. So that’s the first strike.

Let’s see how the situation would have developed if he had involved the police.

 First, the man cannot file for domestic violence against his person as according to Indian law domestic violence cannot be committed on a man. Second, the woman can just claim self-defense and make the case for a bailable offense into a non-bailable and much more punishable case against the victim. Even when I googled it, it showed me the search results with men being corrected for women. That is strike 2. 

Again let’s record the response of the “civilized society” after the second strike took place.

Finally, the man even after being found not guilty (he is still not considered innocent because he was only let go because of lack of evidence) is treated as a criminal, a very thorough character assassination has been performed. He lost his job, his “friends”, his dignity, and last but not least his will to live in the world. He is told to hide the tears of pain, of sorrow, of loss (because men don’t cry don’t be absurd).he is told to bottle all of it up. And he does that until, well the bottle bursts. That’s 3 strikes and the man is out of life.

 The woman is free because accusing someone is an easy task. And only the case of Maan-Hani can be filed against the woman and even those rarely go in favor of the man and that is if he is still alive or has the willpower to file a case after being dragged in and out of the court for however long it takes to be proven innocent declared not guilty. And that is a case that is rarely if ever observed because this kind of case is generally followed by a dowry and a marital rape case and the man is behind bars for all his life and the guilty roams free. And we all enjoy jokes on a famous comedy show about the lady judge beating her husband up for not doing something she wanted. Just reverse the sexes for a second and I dare you to laugh at the joke.

 Remember this guilt next time you laugh at such jokes or even worse, make such jokes.

So, with folded hands and head bowed I request you all to at least wait for the court of law to declare someone guilty before coming to any conclusions. It may be the difference between someone’s death and life.

-Ananya Agarwal