The Perfect Family : Does Not Exist

There is a girl who comes from a middle-class family. Since childhood, she learned whatever families do care for their children’s good, that they should respect the elderly and never question their opinion as they are always right. She believed in such a thing as a naïve girl. 

She thought that she had a beautiful and perfect family, she was proud and happy, but she was just a young and clueless child. She didn’t understand her surroundings well. As she started growing up, she found that there is no such thing as a perfect family. She saw manipulation, emotional and physical abuse, negligence, gaslighting, secrecy, control, etc., she felt hurt and betrayal. The perfect family she dreamt of actually turned out to be dysfunctional. 

Well…what is a dysfunctional family? In every family, there are going to be really few people who might have some problematic traits but that doesn’t make them a dysfunctional or toxic family. People don’t realize how troubled their family is until they spend time with other families or have their own family. To get a better insight on what a dysfunctional family is we should pin some points like whether there is any sort of favoritism, what kind of relationship they have with both or either of their parent (distant or only showed interest when they think is right), controlling behavior, abuse of any kind (emotional, physical, verbal, etc.), threaten or abandonment, having different personas of your parents (differ from their private persona) and so much more.

Having such families can take a huge toll on their mental and physical health. It brings emotional pain and trauma, which affect someone’s personality and development. Toxic means it’s harmful to you, to know this you should see how you feel around those people, it could be anyone, a relative of a family, your sibling or cousin, grandparents, etc. they can make you feel anxious, stressed, guilty, sad, angry, overwhelmed, etc.    

But can this be avoided or fixed? Well…the answer is yes and no. 

It depends on people and how they take on things. Some people hold on, some let go, some forgive but don’t forget and some just move on by leaving because they think they have no choice, they want to have a different life. Some people recover well while some don’t. 

Toxic traits come in a cycle and to break that cycle everyone in the family needs to commit and unite together to change. Change should be willing because if it is forced, it’s not going to work instead it will make things worse, and it will create more barriers. But before the change, there is a really important thing to note and that is ”awareness” – ‘identity what is happening, and then make the change. Next is working upon yourself, taking responsibility instead of blaming.

If someone is unwilling to listen or care or change, then it’s okay to take a break or cut that person entirely. Your mental being is more important. It could be difficult but the right move.

At last, the girl realized that no person can be perfect so how can a family be perfect, not all fathers and all mothers are heroes instead they are just humans like all of us. However, we don’t know what is the ending for her as she is still learning and growing. Whether her family would willingly take the step to change or not, she learned many lessons. One is: “to move forward, you need to step back a little.” It means it’s okay to take a break to move forward. It requires letting go of some things. Take a breath and get a present. 

What truly a happy family is? One can not be happy for always as struggles are part of our life lessons and it’s important for our growth. A happy family would be one in which there is acceptance and respect for individuality, flexibility, and openness and where conflicts and problems are addressed. The size and shape of the family do not matter as it is about loving and embracing others and giving a place for them at our table. 

“There are many ways of going forward, but only one way of standing still.” Franklin D. Roosevelt

Riya Sannidhi